The deer know where to live, much like retirees, who flock to the Early Bird specials at the local diner.

There is no hunting on Apple Canyon property, but there is just over the farmers’ fence. The deer know this. They’ve figured out how to stay alive over the years since Open Season had taken so many of their ancestors (don’t worry, I’m not going to get all mushy over deer kills). The problem is, there are just too many deer around.

I see eight deer out the deck-side windows right now. I think there’s two families. When I take trail hikes, I come across at least four or six deer just one hill over either way the trail leads. Across the lake, other herds exist, too. That’s just too many deer.

The herd really needs to be culled, for the benefit of the population. If something isn’t done, won’t they overpopulate, contract and transfer deadly diseases, perhaps even begin to form societies, and so turn into vindictive assholes, just like humans? I don’t know for sure, but I think there’s precedence here.

At the moment, though, all I’m thinking is, “Venison steaks tonight on the barbee!” I wonder if a BB gun pellet will pierce their hides. I can always go Rambo on them, hide beneath the leaves in the woods, awaiting one of them — a fawn — to pass and then run that baby through with one of my mom’s chef knives.

Luck for them I just had pasta for lunch, and have defrosted chicken breasts for dinner.