I’m looking for ice skates in the garage, but so far without success. The lake is mightily frozen. I saw ice-fishing tents out far in the middle. I don’t want to go ice fishing. I want to take a shovel down to the lake and clear off a space the size of a hockey rink, put on some skates, and go round in circles. Should I go left-to-right, or right-to-left? If I can’t find a hockey stick, what should use in its place? If I can’t find a puck, what would serve just as well?

People have asked me if I’m lonely living out here in winter, “with nothing to do.” I’ve got plenty to do, actually. I also have myself. That’s pretty damned good, most of the time.

I was reading a novel, where an English gentleman was unnerved by Americans because they did things unabashedly, without so much inner thought about what others might think. This English guy found this sort of thinking was opposite to the British, who are self-conscious about themselves, and about how they look to others. I must ask my English/British friends then: are you comfortable with yourself? able to feel good in your own skin? This won’t be a scientific study, but a half-asses survey with likely few responses. I have my own thoughts on this, of course … based on observation.

Whatever answers I get, I think this “feel free in your skin” question is more about personality than cultural norms (or abnorms); more likely a generational thing, too. I have friends across the country who, when they talk about their friends, point out a select few who cannot stand being alone. They need people around, and they need to be talking. Imagine, not wanting to be with yourself, sitting in silence, communing with your own thoughts.

That’s fucked up.